Daily Mail Finally Go Completely Fucking Mental.

It had to happen at some point.

The underlying fascist atmosphere at the Daily Mail’s newsroom that’s been travelling, osmosis-like, through the increasingly thick skins of their editorial team has finally sent them completely batshit mental, and they’ve run a news story about a HOUSE that looks like HITLER.

hitlerhouse Daily Mail Finally Go Completely Fucking Mental.

As I’m sure the more sensible, and less haggard-from-years-of-writing-complete-fucking-tripe amongst you will notice, It’s simply a house. Granted it has a wonky roof, but you have to ask yourself whether reporters at the DM need some kind of psychiatric help before they start carrying out random attacks on black people and jews, screaming at the police at their subsequent arrest “THE HITLER HOUSE TOLD ME TO DO IT”.


Mitch Benn Plays Us Again!

It’s difficult to brag (or indeed, even to be proud of yourself) when you’re in a band that primarily exists to take the piss, but proud we are, because that lovely chap Mitch Benn has once more deemed us fit to grace his comedy podcast.  Cheers mate!


Listen to it here.

The Day The Music Died (Phil Collins Only Slightly To Blame)

Progressive Rock.

Those of you still reading might be surprised to know that the bespectacled half of Spandex Ballet LOVES Progressive Rock – so much so, he even drums for definitely-not-dad-rock proggers, Tinyfish. This blog is intended to explain to you where – in Leon’s opinion, it all started going wrong for Prog.

Genesis – Not Always A Bag Of Rotting Shit

Many of you may not know this, but in the 1970′s, Genesis were one of the leading bands in the genre. Fronted back then by a fresh-faced (& frankly bonkers) Peter Gabriel (& worryingly founded as schoolboys by kiddie-fiddler denialist, Jonathan King), they were genuinely a forward-thinking group. In 1975, Gabriel quit, & it was decided (by all except Phil, or so he says) that Collins should replace him as frontman.

1976 – Genesis Fuck It All Up

Under Phil’s reluctant leadership, Genesis made two cracking albums in 1976 – A Trick Of The Tail, & Wind & Wuthering. However, on the latter album, there is a song called Your Own Special Way. So awful is this piece of music, that Leon felt compelled to critique it, & so popped round to the house of The Amazing Wilf (labelled the John Peel of Prog by the community), for a frank chat about this genre-murdering song.  Many people blame Punk for the death of Prog. They are wrong – it’s this song.

Listen to Leon’s considered analysis of YOSW here.

Inappropriate Eastenders

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In leu of any new SONGS, we made a video of what Eastenders might look like as a sitcom.

We weren’t allowed to put this up on Youtube, so thought we’d put it here instead… All copyright is owned by the BBC (which we love.)

SB x

Spandex Ballet Appears On Mitch Benn’s Comedy Podcast

Spandex Ballet are as proud as a small toddler with his first hard-on to announce that we’ve been included in Mitch Benn’s (yup, he of Radio 4′s The Now Show, with Leon’s adolescent comedy heroes, Punt & Dennis fame) first podcast of 2011. We sent him a few tracks on the off-chance, & he seemed to dig them, including Wood vs Evil & Spanish Phrasebook. There’s a bunch of funny shit on the ‘cast, so download & chortle on.

Have a listen here!

New Video: Spanish Phrasebook

So here it is: The video for “Spanish Phrasebook” from our debut album “Seriously, Don’t Release This” – avilable now on iTunes!

Ted Williams & That Voice

“When you’re listening to nothing but the best of oldies, you’re listening to Magic 98.9!”

It’s hard to believe that it was only a week ago that Ted Williams, a New York-raised beggar, was filmed by a journalist looking for nothing more than to acquire some filler for a dead news day. The film, taken in Columbus OH, captured Williams panhandling at the side of the road, using a rich, buttery, golden baritone to impress passing motorists in exchange for a dollar, and then a brief (not to mention touching and articulate) interview afterwards. Whilst it’s apparent from his appearance that Ted has succumbed to years of drug and alcohol abuse, his humble and poignant admissions of a life gone wrong moved this member of Spandex Ballet to tears.

Ted Williams Golden Radio Voice Ted Williams & That Voice

Well then, blow me down if 24 hours later, I didn’t have tears in my eyes for a totally different reason – Ted was Big News. The video went viral, acquiring 4 million hits overnight, and Ted was getting offers of work, the likes of which most of us can only dream about. Among the bigger of the offers was a two-year deal (including a mortgage paid on a house) announcing for the Cleveland Cavaliers.

This is all relatively old news now, and you might wonder why we’re reporting on it so late. Well, it’s about the backlash. There hasn’t been a massive backlash, as yet. But there have been lots of comments on the internet (usually from people brave enough to slag Ted off, but not brave enough to print their names) along the lines of, “I’m a hardworking American and I’m poor. This guy’s a beggar with a history of crime, he doesn’t deserve this (with heavy undertones of, ‘but I do’)”. Well, let’s discuss this –

Homelessness shouldn’t happen in fully-developed countries. It’s as simple as that. But it does, and short of getting the government to house the poor (and that simply isn’t going to happen), there are really only two options; we leave them on the street (to continue begging/stealing/insert crime here), or we rehabilitate them, using any existing skills they may have.

Ted Williams stood on the side of that road for a year, holding his sign proclaiming his god-given talent. A full year. And in all that time, all he ever wanted was a job. He didn’t want fame, or riches – he just wanted to contribute to society, and have a second chance. Contrary to the old adage, I don’t believe that everybody deserves a second chance. But most people do, and Ted is certainly one of them. He got himself clean with no real motivation to do so, and wants to do the best for himself and his family, who he clearly loves.

But it’s not about his motives, it’s about the amount of money he’s about to make. If Ted Williams was holding a sign saying, “I have the god-given gift of being able to drive a bus”, and a man came along and said, “I run a bus company, come and drive my buses for me, you genius bus-driving man”, everybody in the universe would be patting Ted on the back. “Go on, Ted! Drive that bus with pride!” But because he will now make potentially millions of dollars, this has pissed people off a bit. You can’t have it both ways, folks. “You lazy bum, go and get a job! But one that pays less than I make!”

Mr Williams, I salute you. Now, don’t make me look like a twat – stay clean, and keep working. Oh – & The Daily Mail, who ran this article about Ted’s “sordid” past, Spandex Ballet’s message to you, is the same as always – fuck off.

“Freak You Out” (Live at ROTW 2010)

“Wood Vs Evil” (Live at ROTW 2010)

“Things You Don’t See Too Much Of Nowadays” (Live at ROTW 2010)