We’ve not had a pop at a religious nutter for ages (not since this article a year ago, in fact), but a quick internet trawl has thrown up a man by the name of Harold Camping.
Mr Camping is the president of the frankly scary-looking Family Radio Network, which is entirely funded by donations from followers. They’re worth $120m. I’ll just say that again – they have been donated $120m by REAL PEOPLE. Have a little click on this link and witness in terror that (assuming you read this on the day it’s published) you only have five days left to live, as he claims the world will end on 21 May 2011. That symbol, showing the year 2012 within a red, prohibitive UK road sign must be especially galling for those of you who have booked a holiday for next year.
So how did Harry come up with this extremely precise date? Well, he added 722,500 days onto 01 April 33AD (his assumed date of Jesus’ crucifixion). How did he come up with 722,500? Well, he multiplied five, 10 and 17 together, because they’re holy numbers. Twice. Now I look at it, it’s obvious, really.
Carry On Camping
Fret not though, Harold Camping has predicted this sort of thing before and got it a bit wrong. He was convinced that the world would end on September 27 1994. And to be fair to him, it did, but only for anyone who died on that day, most notably former Colombian president Carlos Lleras Restrepo. So he changed that prediction to September 29 1994. When that failed to happen (for all except actor Tom Ewell, that is), he added on a few more days for good measure, and presumably sat in his basement with his fingers in his ears on 02 October 1994 (Harriet Nelson, gone but not forgotten), waiting for the sound of a pissed-off deity to wreak his revenge on a sinful world. That he created in perfection, apparently. Then, assuming he knew the game was up, Camping plucked 31 March 1995 out of the air, just so he could say “I told you so”, on the off-chance Jesus kicked off. I didn’t even know she was dead, but apparently pop sensation Selena died that day. Jesus didn’t kill her, mind.
So what has all this got to do with homosexuals, we hear you all ask. Well, among the list of things the inappropriately-named Camping believes is finally going to tip God over the edge are “All the stealing, and the lying, and the wickedness and the sexual perversion that is going on in society”. But he reserves the hard judgment for the gay pride movement, citing that it is the clearest sign that The End Is Nigh.
But you know us; there’s always a punchline. This link will take you to Harold’s literature on the subject. Don’t bother reading it, because it’s bollocks. The only bit you need to know is this – Harold believes that the gay pride movement was SENT BY GOD. IT’S PART OF GOD’S PLAN. GOD PLANNED THE GAY RIGHTS MOVEMENT. IT’S IN HIS MASTERPLAN. There are only so many ways the words “gay”, “rights”, “God’s” and “plan” can be strung together, but I’m sure you get the impression.
If either of our girlfriends read this, we’re doing it up the bum on Friday night. Just in case we don’t get another chance.