How To Stop Blood (In More Ways Than One)

If there’s something we at Spandex Ballet like, then it’s skimming over the surface of something & then subsequently pretending to be field experts. I did that today; bored & having already indulged in my usual methods of alleviating said boredom, I used the internet for something else, & somehow ended up on a website called “The Way We See The World“.  Please don’t ask me how I ended up here, I honestly couldn’t tell you, but it’s a website devoted to innovation in design.  Some of the products I’m indifferent to, some I love, & one of them scares me.  A lot.

If you look at the website (& skim past the various chicle latex from the Yucatan Peninsula products), the first product you’ll come to I have totally fallen in love with – Jelloware.  Jelloware is glasses made from agar jelly (I believe this is what Americans call “Jello”).  This is a fucking fabulous idea!  Not only can you now match your drink to the flavour of your edible receptacle (ginger mint glass with your mojito, sir?), but you can chuck them on the grass after drinking (you might have already bought pork scratchings), & they’ll biodegrade & fertilise your lawn!  Awesome.  Their main usage surely has to be in violent pubs, though; not only will glassings be a far more pleasant affair, it might culture a thug or two, too.

“My Phone Is Off For You” is the next product; novel enough I suppose, but most of us these days have a function on our phones called “Airplane Mode” & everything.  Mine came free with the phone.  Here’s a video if you want to see this 21st Century executive toy in action.

Skip again past the designer mint humbugs that are too pretty to eat (that’s basically what they are), & we then get to the dark side of The Way We See The World – The Mademoicell.  Ladies – I know it can’t be fun, having periods & all that.  it looks grim, I won’t lie.  Every time there’s tiny spots of blood on my toilet paper I freak out a bit, so I’m not having a pop at you, really I’m not.  But collecting your period blood so that the stem cells can be extracted & used for medical science?  Is this something women would really do?  Where’s my Monsieuricell, the device I wank into in order to have my stem cells collected?  It’s nowhere, that’s where it is.  All this is without questioning how one is supposed to get the blood into the device.  At least The Mooncup does it all for you (in a manner of speaking), but this thing looks enormous!

So there you have it – Spandex Ballet’s contribution to design & science.  I’ll raise a Jelloware glass to you all (as long as I can choose what goes in it, obviously)…

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